Funny Joke Valentines Day Poem for Him or Her: A Humorous Verse for Sweethearts

You love your sweetheart so very much
And yet you feel so out of touch

What does she want? You're in a bind.
You should be able to read her mind!

Yet when it comes to the perfect gift
That'll give her just the perfect lift

That'll touch her heart and make her happy
That isn't too pricey, and isn't too crappy

You haven't, alas, a single clue.
So check out this Valentine's Day how-to!

Think of your sweetie and all that she digs:
Music and furry things and purple striped wigs.
Think of the times that she borrows your stuff.
Could she use some of that? But if that's not enough...

Browse in her favorite store right now!
(I know, you're likely to have a cow)
But do it for her, 'cause you love her to pieces.
And remember to bring those Mastercards and Visas.

Unless she's the practical sort. In that case,
Examine how your sweetheart spends her days.
Does she need a new muffler for that clunker she has
Or an iPod to listen to (gag) polka jazz?

If these ideas just aren't nabbin' it
Then why not look in her medicine cabinet?
What does she need? Is she out of supplies?
Could she use some feminine products? Drops for her eyes?

For your sweet Valentine, you probably could
Make her life better by helping her mood.
Is she stressed? Could she use a massage do you think?
Or some potpourri so her place doesn't stink?

Whatever you do, order roses at least
And after your Valentine's kisses have ceased
Tell her that her gift to you was just right
And when Valentine's Day turns to Valentine's Night...

Romantically dim the halogen lights
And dance with her to polka jazz, (yeah, it bites).

Then hold her tight and tell her the truth--
That you may not be perfect, but however uncouth
You might be, you love her and all that she is.
If she tells you the same, then you know you're in biz.

Write some Valentine poems for your sweetie
Make 'em juicy or make 'em meaty.

She won't care (or he won't care)
If your Valentine poems are way out there.

Valentine poems tell of your love.
And all the weird things you're thinking of.

If you're bad at saying the words, don't fear.
Email her the link to this page, right here.

You'll get credit for trying, or you should anyway
After all, you remembered Valentine's Day!

Get your Valentine a romantic gift basket.